Hi. I’m Ross. I get mad a lot, swear pretty much every other word (unless I’m trying to be civil, in which case about every tenth word) and am known for writing such long rants on how bad the gaming industry is getting that I break my blog’s format and it won’t linebreak any more.
I made a big tank. It’s not the best, but after four fucking years of procrastination, piecemeal work and redoing pretty much everything except the most basic shape of the hull twice, I am beyond caring. Here it is.
It's a Tiger II, otherwise known as the King Tiger! Amazing.
Originally the plan was to get it into Red Orchestra, but the slow pace of work coupled with my autistic perfectionism resulted in Capt. Obvious finishing his first and mine going from a respectable 3,000-ish polies to 5,000-ish to 15,000 and in the final few days of actual work, 35,000. Yeah. 35,000. Don’t even ask, I don’t know. The wheels and gun take up a lot because those parts are seen close up a lot ingame but I will be absolutely damned if I can figure out just how this thing got to that many. I have no idea what (if anything) this will ever be used for, since it doesn’t even look that good. It’s moderately accurate I guess, so at least it has one thing going for it.
ANYWAY ENOUGH ABOUT THAT SHIT,
While Nirrti was pleading with me to post (because surely no reader can resist me)(Yeah, Right. N), I read his most recent article. I was his co-op partner for what I believe was his second playthrough, and we had a good time (even if I was running on practically no sleep, and therefore had to be prompted to do anything). Like him, I really enjoyed the game and I particularly enjoyed the ‘Old Aperture’ areas for their style, their history, and probably most of all their architecture. Half-Life 2‘s Combine Citadel was impressive, but not since Halo (as in, the first and best) have I been so awestruck by architecture. There’s really something hauntingly beautiful in the abandoned salt mines that became Aperture Science, and I can’t wait until someone gets the maps working in Garry’s Mod so I can make awesome pictures with them.
To reiterate: I loved Portal 2. I had to tear myself away from the game to finish the last touches on the King Tiger, and the only reason I’m not playing right now is because I managed to distract myself with a Minecraft project instead. I will say this, though: if I wasn’t hostile towards Valve’s playtesters before, I am out for blood now. Anyone else remember the E3 demo for the game, where they demonstrated some incredibly impressive and challenging-looking test chambers? Where the pneumatic diversity vent was actually, oh I dunno, being diverse? You could reverse its direction and use it in conjunction with a portal to hoover up turrets, debris, or anything else you felt like hoovering (presumably including your co-op partner when they annoy you one too many times). All of that was gone from the final product, and even the end-of-game test chambers felt contrived and too easy. I’m not especially good at puzzle games as I overanalyse things far too often, but I only got truly stuck maybe three or four times in the entire game, and even then only for a few minutes. Valve’s playtesters apparently got stuck on a hell of a lot more because Valve ended up removing everything interesting from the game (it was confusing their playtesters) or challenging (it was too hard for their precious little snowflake testers to figure out).
I’m not sure who Valve are using to playtest their games, but it’s pretty fucking clear to me that they need to stop and find someone else. I shudder to think how long the list of ‘things axed from Valve games because of idiot playtesters’ is by now. Thanks, you fucks. I always wanted a pet houndeye but now I have to kill them all. Fuck you.
I think I was going to rant about something else but I don’t remember what. Also you are all probably bored to death or something, because the internet tells me anything over five lines at 1920×1080 is a “berlin wall of text” and totally unreadable. Fuck you kids, do they not teach you to read at school any more? What are you jerkoffs doing to our education system?